11th March 2013

The alarm was set for 7 a.m., but we managed to wake ourselves 15 minutes early, proof that even on holiday, the body refuses to let you sleep in when there’s an excursion planned. A proper breakfast was required before our jaunt to Ilhéus, so we fortified ourselves accordingly while the ship quietly docked.

At 9 a.m., as per the brochure, we dutifully assembled at the meeting point. At 9.50 a.m., as per Italian timekeeping, we finally boarded the bus. (This was merely a warm-up act for the chaos yet to come.)

Our escort/guide announced that she would be translating into both English and German, as we had a mixed party. The first stop was Ilhéus town centre, where we admired the church and strolled the streets. It was here that the penny dropped: not only were we a mixture of languages, but also a mixture of tours. Sue and I had signed up for the full works, city, waterfall, cocoa plantation, and sloths, while others had picked and mixed like a bag of Woolworths sweets. The Germans were not amused. After much waiting, phoning, and muttering, it was decreed (by someone, somewhere) that everyone would follow our itinerary. Those on the shorter tours were delighted with their unexpected upgrade, and we were relieved ours wouldn’t be chopped in half.

The waterfall proved worth the fuss. A steep, rainforest path tested the older passengers, particularly those who hadn’t signed up for this sort of adventure, but at the bottom lay a glorious cascade. I changed into swimming trunks and plunged in for a 40-minute dip beneath the falls, while Sue sensibly paddled around the edges. The water was bracing, a natural antidote to Brazil’s relentless humidity.

Afterwards, we sought shade at the restaurant and cooled ourselves with drinks, joined by our Dorset dinner companions. The climb back up to the bus was less fun, but the air conditioning made up for it.

Next came the cocoa plantation. The visit was brief, but we enjoyed seeing the process in action. We sampled raw, fermented, and dried beans, which, let’s be honest, were a poor substitute for a Galaxy bar. Redemption arrived in the form of proper dark chocolate at the end: bitter, rich, and utterly addictive.

Then it was on to the sloths. Injured creatures being rehabilitated for release, most were hanging upside down in their enclosure, snoozing contentedly. When they stirred, they revealed themselves to be every bit as adorable as we’d hoped. Their fur was silky, their faces angelic, and their calm demeanour enough to melt the iciest of hearts. A couple were even brought out for us to stroke and photograph, and I was sorely tempted to smuggle one home in my backpack.

On the return journey, we made a stop in Ilhéus for shopping. By this stage, we were so behind schedule that we had just 15 minutes. Sue, however, displayed a masterclass in targeted shopping and emerged triumphantly with a new hat.

The supposed 6.5-hour excursion had stretched to a full 8 hours, leaving us perilously close to missing the ship’s departure. Once safely back on board, we revived ourselves with coffee and pizza before showering and donning fresh clothes for dinner with our regular companions.

The evening’s theatre show featured a troupe of Bahian dancers, bursting with colour and energy, their movements reminiscent of Cuban performers. Culturally, it may have sailed a little over my head, somewhere between Balinese finger dancing and Hindu contortionists, but it was lively, exuberant, and certainly not dull. Enjoyable, though not something I’d be rushing to order on DVD.