We embarked on a trek into the island’s interior to explore the rainforest, a guided tour with about 20 fellow Brits and one rather optimistic bus. The vehicle, clearly on its last legs, creaked and groaned its way up the mountainside like a dying elephant. Fortunately, I managed to grab a kip between the bone-rattling jolts, thanks to the lack of suspension and a road surface that was more concrete than conscience.

The trek itself was intriguing, not least because we seemed to start at the top of a mountain and yet somehow spent the entire time walking uphill. The trail was a series of raised wooden walkways, keeping us off the forest floor (it’s a protected area, after all). Jamie and Sarah, already rainforest veterans, were unimpressed by the flora and fauna and quickly sprinted off ahead. They even goaded a Scottish Celtic supporter into a race; the poor man lost spectacularly and looked like he might need defibrillation by the time we caught up.

The forest offered the usual delights, giant spiders, strange rustlings, and the calls of exotic birds (which were enormous, apparently, though remained entirely invisible). We produced gallons of sweat, consumed a pitiful packed lunch, and yet somehow had a rather interesting day. On the way back, our Chinese guides decided to entertain us with a selection of traditional folk songs. Mercifully, the group was a polite mix of Brits, no lager louts, so we all clapped and smiled at the right moments, even if our ears were quietly pleading for mercy.

Lately, we’ve also been doing quite a lot of shopping. Honestly, China is the best shopping destination I’ve ever encountered, bargain heaven! You can buy just about anything your heart (or wallet) desires. I acquired another pair of trousers, Sarah picked up some clothes and a swimming costume, Sue bagged some lovely gifts, and Jamie… well, Jamie might have bought something bright and shiny if he hadn’t been otherwise occupied with the new love of his life: Chantelle.

Today, Sarah and I spent a couple of leisurely hours in my favourite beach bar, watching what must have been a very expensive Chinese wedding unfold on the sand. The poses they struck for the photo album ranged from unusual to romantic to downright naff. Still, the couple looked charming,  both dressed head to toe in white, and no expense had been spared. Sue contented herself with a book on a sunbed, while Jamie was off somewhere with Chantelle. Not sure where. Don’t want to know. I may end up sharing a plane seat with her parents…

We fly back tomorrow and are due to land in rainy Manchester at 1:10 am on Tuesday. The forecast isn’t promising, and we just hope Britain hasn’t sunk, or at least that Heathrow remains above sea level, as we’re flying out again from there on Saturday.